


Kyle's Boomin' Fraternity

by KPesh123



Series: Kyle's Boomin' Adventures [28]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Alcohol, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Fraternity, Anal Sex, Bad Writing, Beer, Best Friends, Binge Drinking, Breast Fucking, Car Chases, Car Sex, Chases, Childhood Friends, Cigarettes, Cigars, College, Comedy, Comedy of Errors, Community College, Dark Comedy, Developing Friendships, Drinking, Drinking & Talking, Drinking Games, Drugs, Drunk Sex, Enemies to Friends, Epic Friendship, Excessive Drinking, Face-Fucking, Fiction, Fire, Fraternities & Sororities, Friendship, Fucking, Good Writing, Guns, Gunshot Wounds, Hazing, Heavy Drinking, House Party, Late Night Writing, Male Friendship, Marijuana, Oral Sex, Original Fiction, Other, Party, Party Games, Partying, Public Sex, References to Drugs, Rough Sex, School, Semi-Public Sex, Sex, Shooting Guns, Shower Sex, Skull Fucking, Smoking, Squirrels, Tequila, Tragedy/Comedy, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking, Vodka, Weapons, Whiskey & Scotch, Writing, Writing Exercise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-18 18:41:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29122812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KPesh123/pseuds/KPesh123
Summary: Kyle realized that his college choice was a mistake.  There were no parties with the school's lack of Greek life.  Having no options to party, Kyle and The Boys make their own fraternity in an effort to save Kyle's college experience.
Series: Kyle's Boomin' Adventures [28]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1867981
Kudos: 1





	Kyle's Boomin' Fraternity

**Author's Note:**

> Please make sure to read the other works of Kyle's Boomin' Adventures!!!

Kyle’s Boomin’ Fraternity

It was a Monday night. Kyle sat on his bed zoning off while his roommate and Nancy Drew droned on about politics and weird indie music. They talked about annoying philosophical topics and eventually more of The Boof Brigade came in. They proceeded to play weird card games and talk about left wing politics only to walk into the woods in order to smoke their shit weed. Once they left, Kyle lied on his bed and blasted music in order to drift away. With Shinedown blasting through his headphones, Kyle couldn’t help but start thinking about his life choices.

“My god this place fucking sucks.” Kyle said to himself.

In order to get some privacy, Kyle would wander the campus at night in the blistering cold. He would facetime the boys and vent about the bullshit he went through daily. Having no gloves, Kyle’s hands would get completely numb. Every night after facetime the boys and doing homework, Kyle would eat dinner alone at the dining hall, listening to music in order to silence the toxicity that lingered in the room. Kyle would eat the gruel they served and walk back to his dorm. Not giving a fuck that his roommate was in the room, Kyle would facetime the boys again. This time Rich called him.

“Yo what’s good?” Kyle asked.

“Dude, I had such a lit night last night.” Rich responded.

“What happened?” Kyle asked.

“I was at the house playing beer dye right? So these hot sorority bitches come over and start grinding me out of nowhere. Apparently one of the brothers dropped a viagra in my drink and my cock doubled in size.” 

“Damn that’s crazy.” 

“Dude that had to be the best night of my life. You have to come out here some time.” 

“If we had a spring break this year I would, but instead we have various days throughout the semester planned off. It sucks.” 

“Dude you have to transfer from there, that school is literally a communist internment camp.” 

“I can’t, you know this.” 

“You might as well make your time lit while you’re stuck there.”

“You might be onto something.” 

Kyle was a different person back in high school. Throughout most of it, Kyle didn’t drink or smoke. It was only senior year that Kyle finally started to drink with Rich. Assuming that college was going to be a blast, he felt the need to prepare in order to not be a lightweight. During the college process, Kyle only looked at small institutions. Kyle assumed that he would thrive under a tight knit community rather than the hustle and bustle of a large state school. Kyle assumed that since his high school was so diverse with different types of people, college would be the same way, no matter the size. What Kyle failed to realize was that most kids go to big schools in order to get noticed on job applications, leaving the weird unpopular kids going to the small liberal arts colleges. Unknowing of this, Kyle chose a liberal arts school with no greek life or a party scene for that matter. It was Kyle’s first semester of college where he finally started turning into what he is now. Kyle was dumbfounded when he realized that literally everyone was the same. Moving in, Kyle assumed that there were some parties, as it turned out there were none. Literally everyone sat around smoking shit weed talking about the philosophical beliefs of unknown pedophiles from the 1800’s. Kyle began to drink alone more building his tolerance. Eventually Kyle started binge watching Nelk and Danny Mullen, which ultimately reshaped him as a person. While this was happening, Rich chose a state school. Rich ended up rushing and joining a fraternity. He was living his best life while Kyle wallowed in his depression at hell. Everything was going right for Rich while Kyle was given the shaft. Luckily for Kyle, all of the boys went to the local community college. An hour long train ride and Kyle was back home partying with the boys. They could be up at Kyle’s college in under an hour with no traffic. Kyle liked to use this to his advantage. Later that Friday, Kyle got all the boys to come up for the day. They went out to lunch at a burger place in town. There Kyle discussed big plans. 

“Boys, I have plans.” Kyle boasted.

“Okay.” Gianni responded.

“What type of plans?” Mark asked. 

“Boys, we’re making an underground fraternity at my college.” Kyle proclaimed. 

“Come again?” Nick asked.

“We’re gonna find a place, hopefully rent a house, and set up an underground fraternity.” Kyle explained.

“This is highly illogical.” Jon commented.

“Shut the fuck up Jon you German blonde bitch!” Mark yelled.

“Whatever.” Jon responded.

“So how would we go about this?” Malcolm asked.

“I’m glad you asked Malcolm. First we need to come up with a chapter name. Unfortunately no real fraternity would be willing to allow us to form a chapter here since my school doesn’t allow greek life. We must come up with a name, then we shall find a house to rent. If not, we must erect a grand house in the middle of campus in order to assert our dominance.” Kyle explained.

“How the fuck would we do that?” Jon asked skeptically.

“We will build Jon!! We will build!” Kyle snapped back.

“God damnit Jon!! Stop being a little German bitch!! REEE!!” Mark yelled.

“After we find the house, then we shall have potential pledges rush. You will all have to go through initiation since we’re a founding chapter. I know a few other people who are down to join as well. Next week, we will have our first chapter meeting where we find our house.” Kyle stated. 

Another week went by. Kyle reached out to all the potential pledges about the first meeting to be had. Besides the boys, there were others who were to show up for the meeting. Rich was going to fly out from Arizona in order to pledge. Since his fraternity was in hot water for hazing, Rich needed to leave for a little while until the entire scandal blew over, thus making Kyle’s fraternity the perfect hideout. Rich and Kyle’s friend Christian, who went to school in Washington D.C. would take the train up in order to rush. Colin and Tom, two distant members of the crew also planned on taking the train up in order to attend the meeting. Chris, who hadn’t been as active of late in the group also planned on coming up as well. Kyle also needed a name for their fraternity. Since no real fraternity would be allowed on campus, Kyle studied the Greek alphabet and came up with a good name. Gamma Delta Row Sigma is what Kyle named the fraternity. Saturday came, all the boys met on the big lawn in the middle of campus. Kyle proceeded to start the meeting. 

“Good day gentlemen. You are here because I see you fit enough to rush my fraternity. This is a great honor for you. You may all clap now.” Kyle said.

The boys awkwardly clapped in confusion, not knowing how to respond. Kyle then proceeded with the speech.

“There will first be two parts to your pledgeship. First off, you must erect a grand house right here in the middle of campus. It shall assert our dominance.” Kyle proclaimed.

“How the fuck would we be able to do that?” Rich asked. 

“Don’t talk back to me, pledge!!!” Kyle yelled. “But anyway we shall go into the woods and get wood, from there we shall build our house.” 

“How would we build the house? We’d only have twigs to deal with. There are no tools we could use anyway.” Christian ranted. 

“Malcolm, kick him in the balls.” Kyle instructed.

“Yes sir!!” Malcolm yelled, proceeding to run over and kick Christian in the balls. 

“You see that people? That was a warning, if you step out of line, Malcolm over here will kick you in the balls.” Kyle stated. “Alright, let’s go get some wood.” 

The boys ventured off campus into the forest where they picked up scraps of wood. From there they lugged whatever they could back to the main quad where Colin and Jon started to build. Since Colin was an aspiring contractor and Jon an engineer, the two of them helped command the building process. Kyle had a prototype design done on his computer which he printed out. Kyle held the picture up to the spot where their house was. The physical product looked nothing like what Kyle designed on the computer. There were only four long sticks standing up, one of which kept falling over. The boys, using small tools, tried hammering the wood together, which ultimately failed. Kyle, along with Mark and Rich, sat in lawn chairs while Nick and Gianni played beer pong in front of the set up. While they were trying to build their dream house, two students approached them.

“Um excuse me, what the fuck are you guys doing?” One student asked.

“We’re building our frat house, want to rush?” Kyle asked.

“No! Greek life is homophobic and sexist!!! How dare you take parts of such horrific acts!!!” The student yelled.

“GET THE FUCK OFF OUR LAWN YOU PATHETIC GEED!!!” Rich screamed back. 

Mark stood up and shoved the student to the ground. The other student tried to fight back only to fail. With his less dominant arm, Mark picked the other student up by the neck and choke slammed the kid. Jay then ran over and started to use ninja moves on the students, who eventually ran off crying. Another student stood and watched the whole thing, he walked up to the boys.

“You know there is a house for rent right outside of campus right?” The student asked.

“There is?” Kyle asked.

“Yea, only $100 a month.” The student responded.

“Damn!” Malcolm yelled. 

“Alright, thanks for the tip.” Kyle said.

The boys left their monstrosity in the middle of the quad and walked over to the house that was available for rent. The house looked nice from the outside, well landscaped and a great backyard. The boys approached it and knocked on the door. A deranged crackhead answered the door. 

“What the fuck do you guys want?!” The Crackhead yelled while scratching his body with a giant wooden spoon.

“Uh hi, we heard this place is available for rent?” Nick asked.

“Get the fuck off my property unless you want to be raped by my cat Mittens!!!” The Crackhead yelled.

“Looks like we have the wrong house.” Chris said. 

“Damn, back to the campus house I guess.” Gianni commented. 

The boys started to walk off the property when suddenly they heard a scuffle then a more calming voice come from behind them. 

“Wait guys!!! Come back!!” The man shouted from the front door. 

The boys turned around to find a sharply dressed, middle aged man standing at the front door. The Crackhead seemed to have vanished out of existence. The man seemed gracious and inviting unlike who the boys saw prior. The boys walked up to the patio. 

“Sorry about that, you see my brother is a heroin addict. I’ve been taking care of him to get him on the right track to sobriety.” The man said.

“Shit I’m sorry to hear.” Mark said. 

“Yea it’s bad. He would go around dressing as a prostitute and get fucked by dudes in order to get money for heroin. Looks like he’s at it again.” The man said pointing to his left.

The boys looked over to find The Crackhead on his knees sucking Malcolms dick. Malcolm moaned and belted out in glee as he forgot that he was in a public setting with his entire friend group. The boys, along with the man, stood in shock at the horrific display. Christian threw up, everyone else was jaw dropped. Once Malcolm came, he blew a huge sigh of relief and opened his eyes. Malcolm peaked over and noticed everyone staring at him. 

“OH FUCK!!!” Malcolm yelled.

“What the fuck was that Malcolm?!” Jon yelled.

“He tricked me okay?!” Malcolm responded.

“He tricked you?! You were out in broad daylight!!!” Mark responded.

“Damn, the fuck is wrong with you Malc?” Colin asked. 

“You see shit like this gets you banned from the fraternity.” Rich commented.

“How the fuck did a crackhead trick you?” Kyle asked.

“He convinced me that we were in a closet, so I decided to make him my bitch.” Malcolm bragged.

“Malcolm, you’re giving him money for this, how fucking dumb are you?” Jay asked.

“Okay that can’t be good. Malcolm, look at your dick.” Colin said.

Malcolm looked down at his dick. It was obvious that The Crackhead had STDs since Malcolm’s dick was bright red and had blisters which leaked pus everywhere. Christian once again threw up on the lawn. Malcolm shrieked in terror as it looked like his dick got wrangled in a paper shredder. Everyone looked awkwardly at the frightening scene. The man then spoke.

“You see I’m the actual landlord here.” The man said.

“Ah, you see that makes more sense.” Rich commented.

“So can we have the place?” Kyle asked. 

“Why are there like twelve of you? What are your intentions?” The Landlord asked. 

“Oh very simple, our friend Kyle’s college sucks ass and doesn’t have Greek life, so we’re making an underground fraternity. We need a house that we can absolutely trash.” Mark explained. 

“Okay here’s the keys.” The Landlord responded, giving the keys to Kyle. 

The boys walked inside their new house. A medium sized cape style house that was nicely furnished, many valuables were hung around the walls. The boys each grabbed a beer and took a celebratory shotgun in honor of their successful investment. Rich crushed his can and chucked it at an expensive painting hung over the fireplace. The painting fell to the ground, cracking the frame. The boys decided to emulate what Rich did, destroying numerous items that was not theirs. After assigning everyone rooms and sleeping spots, Kyle gathered everyone around for another meeting. Everyone gathered around the living room, in front of the broken painting. 

“Okay, first things first… Malcolm? What the fuck are you wearing?” Kyle asked Malcolm.

“It’s my University crew neck.” Malcolm responded.

Malcolm was wearing a crew neck sweatshirt which read ‘University’ in a way to knock off Bluto from Animal House. The crew neck was the same blue color and font style as well.

“Take that fucking abomination off Malcolm, or I make you do a naked lap.” Kyle grunted.

“God damnit.” Malcolm said, taking the crew neck off. 

“Alright, I’m going to design merchandise for our fraternity. I have designs in mind and I’ll use Custom Ink in order to make them.” Kyle stated.

“Yo! My boy can make shirts for like half that price.” Rich blurted.

“Shut the fuck up pledge!” Kyle yelled back. 

“He didn’t even give a price.” Jon said to Rich.

“Oh yeah you right.” Gianni added.

“Everyone shut the fuck up!!!” Kyle screamed. “Alright, now we must discuss initiation. As you all know, you are all still pledges. You bitches need to earn your way in. So I have come up with a great way to initiate you guys.” 

“What’s that?” Colin asked. 

“Thank you Colin for asking. As you have noticed, there is an infestation of squirrels on campus. There is such an abundance of them that it is destroying our environment. Here’s where the initiation comes in. You must all kill one squirrel in a very creative way. You do that, you’re in.” Kyle explained. 

“How the fuck are we supposed to do that?!” Jay asked. 

“I have spoken!!!” Kyle shouted. 

The next day, Kyle woke everyone up early and dressed the boys up in squirrel costumes. From there he paraded the boys across the street onto campus where he released them. Using only their minds and what was around them, the boys had to kill a squirrel in order to get in. Kyle sat at a bench in the middle of campus, he cracked open a beer and started to smoke a cigar. Smoking was banned on campus only a month prior, Kyle felt rebellious so he decided to smoke in broad daylight. Kyle lined the boys up one by one and took a whistle out of his pocket. With a clipboard and a pen on his lap, Kyle had everyone’s names listed. Kyle put the whistle to his mouth and blew hard, the boys were off, except for Mark.

“You see these kids are retarded.” Mark said.

Mark took out a handgun and shot two squirrels that were on the closest tree. The gunshot sound rained throughout campus and people ducked their heads, Kyle looked at Mark impressed. He proceeded to check Mark off the list.

“Very well, welcome to the frat.” Kyle said.

Twenty minutes went by as the rest of the boys continued their attempts to kill squirrels. Kyle and Mark sat on the quad bench drinking beers, looking at the hilarious attempts being made. Eventually Rich yelled over to Kyle and Mark.

“Yo dawg, I got this massive one!!!” Rich yelled. 

“Uh Rich, that’s not a squirrel.” Kyle informed.

“The fuck? It’s not?” Rich asked.

“No that’s Nancy fucking Drew.” Kyle responded.

“Hi boomer!!” Nancy chirped excitedly from a giant net that Rich trapped her in.

“You know what Rich, she’s basically just a giant squirrel so you’re pledge class president, congrats.” Kyle stated.

“Love you too.” Nancy chimed.

“Hell yeah dawg!!!” Rich responded.

Rich joined Kyle and Mark at the quad bench. The three of them continued to drink beers while the rest of the boys attempted to kill squirrels. Malcolm gathered a bunch of nuts in a pile in the middle of the field. After popping five viagra pills, he waited behind a bush until a squirrel arrived. After ten minutes, a squirrel finally came and started eating the nuts. Malcolm hopped out of the bush and grabbed the squirrel. Malcolm proceeded to anally rape the squirrel. Since Malcolm’s cock was bigger than the furry creature, he smashed its organs around killing it. Gianni laid out a bunch of edibles on a pathway in the middle of campus. At first, one of the Boof Brigade members showed up and attempted to steal the edibles. Mark interfered and tackled the member just as he approached the edible. Eventually a squirrel came and ate the edible. Since it had one hundred grams of THC, it got really stoned. Gianni walked up and touched the squirrel. The squirrel did not move due to its inebriated state. Gianni then picked up the squirrel and cracked its neck. Jon found pesticide and put it inside a nut. Jon sat on a bench and watched the nut, eventually a squirrel ate it and began foaming at the mouth. Nick went into town and bought a fishing pole from a local outdoors shop. Nick dressed as a fisherman and climbed a tree. Sitting on a branch, Nick baited a nut and released it into the field below him. Once a squirrel bit down on the nut, its mouth got caught in the hook. Nick reeled the squirrel up and cracked its neck once he had it in his hands. With all the boys drinking and watching this, Kyle turned to Malcolm.

“You know what this reminds me of?” Kyle asked.

“What’s that?” Malcolm responded.

“That Seinfeld scene where George’s dad thinks his son is in a cult that mutilates squirrels.” Kyle said.

“Haha yea that’s funny.” Malcolm laughed.

Colin built a pile of nuts on the main field. Stealing a golf club from the athletic center, Colin was ready to tee. Once a squirrel was eating a nut, Colin whacked the animal with his club. The squirrel went flying through the dining hall window into a student’s meal.

“This isn’t vegan kale! Gosh!!!” The student yelled.

Jay was with Colin when he broke into the athletic center. Jay went into the fencing department and stole a sword. Using ninja skills he mastered after years of watching anime alone in his bedroom, Jay chased a squirrel around campus until he finally stabbed it in the ribs with the sword. Chris was standing on a tree branch, the entire time. With no set plan, he waited for a squirrel to approach the tree. After four hours, one finally did. Chris jumped off the tree three sixty no scope style and stomped on the squirrel crushing it. Christian looked to Mark.

“Hey buddy, can I borrow your gun?” Christian asked.

“No you can’t shoot one, he already did that.” Kyle commented.

“No no, I have an idea.” Christian stated.

“Uh, okay.” Mark replied.

Mark gave Christian his gun. Christian took off towards the parking lot. Standing around for ten minutes, Christian finally spotted a student approaching his car. Christian ran up to the student.

“Give me your fucking car!!!” Christian yelled.

“What?! Are you carjacking me?!” The student screamed.

“That’s right!! Now give me the car or I’ll start yelling in Russian!!!” Christian yelled, shooting the gun in the air.

“Alright alright here!!” The student responded, throwing the car keys. 

“Thank’s dumbkomph,” Christian said.

Christian started the car and floored it onto the main campus. Since there were barely any roads on campus, Christain drove onto the main walkway. With students jumping out of the way, Christian veered off the path onto the field. Christian found a squirrel running away, he proceeded to floor the gas pedal and chase the animal up a tree. Christian crashed the car into the tree, squashing the squirrel. The airbags deployed and Christan stumbled out of the car.

“Dude you good?” Kyle asked.

“Yeah, just throw me a fucking beer to numb my pain.” Christian responded.

The final pledge left was Tom. Being incredibly stoned, Tom ventured into the forest right next to campus. While wandering the woods, Tom noticed a nest with Squirrels in it. Tom took out his lighter and set the tree on fire. The next thing that happened, the entire forest was a blaze, Tom had started a wildfire on the college campus. Tom immediately ran back to the boys, who then proceeded to sprint off campus back to their house as the fire department flew over trying to put out the blaze. The boys ran out back to their house where they started to party in order to make it look like they had a reasonable alibis. Playing beer dye in the front yard, they saw the parade of cop cars and fire trucks whip by on their way to the fire. Being fully initiated, the boys celebrated their new brotherhood well into the night at the campus forest burned to the ground. 

  
  


I hope you enjoyed my Boomin’ Fraternity, the next part of this story will be great. 

  
  



End file.
